Welcome to show. It’s great to have you. Well, I’m much honored. Allow me to introduce myself. I’m Eli Abrams, and I’m from the future.
You may be the first person who didn’t try to keep their status a secret. It’s why you invited me to this interview, right? You know my parents?
I assume you have parents that I’m acquainted with. You said your last name was Abrams. Are you Artie’s son? Yes, sir, I am. And my mother’s name is Quinn, maiden name Fabray.
I don’t believe I’ve met any of their children. Really?
Their children. I’ve interviewed plenty of their children with other spouses. Heh, that’s weird to think about. I guess it makes sense, though, my parents dated other people in high school. Heck, a few of them are family friends still.
Did your parents ever tell you how they fell in love? They’d been friends a long time. My mom moved to New York after college, when my Dad was in his senior year of film school. He asked her to be in his senior project, and… well, that’s really it. Dad got noticed; they moved to LA for better exposure, and had me.
And before you ask, no, it had nothing to do with the time Mom was in a wheelchair.
So, what brings you to the past? It’s a long story.
Both my parents are crazy smart. And they passed that along to me, not to brag. They’re most artsy, and I’m a little bit artsy, too, inherited their love of music; I’m even in a band.
But where I really got cranially blessed was in mathematics. I’m a prodigy. It’s like the most interesting thing about me, and it’s the dullest most interesting thing about you that you can have.
I happen to think mathematics is quite awesome. Well, cool. But, for me, it’s been the cause of a little bit of heartache. I did the whole genius kid routine: got a GED at 13, got a B.S. from UCLA in a year and a half, matched wits with the best guys at Stanford, UC-Berkeley, and CalTech.
My problem is that I’m really good at figuring out stuff that’s already been figured out. I’m basically bound to solve some awesome unsolved problem in mathematics… but it’ll take me 40 years. I’m willing to put in the time; I’m just afraid I’ll get discouraged.
So, I’m cheating and going back 30 years. Most likely, I’ll solve something that’s been solved in my time, but I’ll just do it first. Mind you, it won’t be something I’ve read about; I’ll still do it the hard way.
I guess you’re ethically in the clear. It’s a murky gray area, I admit, but I figure that the person whose work I’ve “stolen” will then leapfrog my work and discover something better.
How’s it going so far? Kinda awesome, actually. I came back to this point in time for a reason. You see, in my time, Brittany Pierce still goes to MIT, but she only stays for six months and then gets bored, and stops spouting useful numbers. She does just fine afterwards, becomes a popular television talk show host, but I’m sure a dozen secrets of the universe remained locked in her head.
So when I came back, I enrolled at MIT, and volunteered to be her tutor. You see, MIT, geniuses that they are, decided there was no point in allowing Brittany to take classes when her high school transcript is nothing but Incompletes. (Literally, there’s not a single failing grade in her records. They’re just… blank.) Well, all it took was a sympathetic friend and a little hard work, and she’s basically caught up all the way to ninth grade math in one semester.
(Okay, it also took a ton of Adderall, but that stuff’s easier to get here than pot.)
Anyway, it’s working. She’s still giving us really awesome patterns. One set might help us reverse engineer a Base-10 spigot algorithm for pi. One set has something with Fermat’s Last Theorem. Not everything’s useful; one set even appeared to be the initial digits of an odd perfect number, but not only was it wrong, but we were reading it upside down. If you can imagine.
But still she’s basically the most amazing thing in the world.
Sounds like someone’s got a crush. No point in denying it. She’s a dropdead gorgeous blonde who some sort of Holy Grain to Mathematics.
But I’m not going to do any thing about it. She’s 19 and I’m 16. And she’s been in a ladies-only phase since she arrived. And I have negative game. And I know I’m going to return to the future someday.
Miss anything from your present? My friends, mostly. Ryder’s in Lima now and Z’s still in the future, but she says she’ll be popping back soon.
Original Idea: televisionamist
Image Credit: blakeyjenner, popscreen.com, glee.wikia.com, nvalovers